Posts Tagged ‘Parody’

Yes, it’s Christmas Eve! Only one more sleep until it’s Christmas morning – but if you’ve been enjoying these festive themed short stories, we’ve got a few more to come yet – 16 to be precise and none of them are themed around the 12 days of Christmas. So the last of the 12 days of Christmas posts for this year, we proudly present the final reprise of Siren’s 12 Days of Christmas (I found Harry Lee this time) and hope that none of you end up like Harry over your own 12 days of Christmas.

If you want to find out more about the Siren books – you can do so here.

12 Days of Christmas (I found Harry Lee)

On the first day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the second day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the third day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with eight pub bans, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with nine broken fingers, eight pub bans, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with a ten gallon hat, nine broken fingers, eight pub bans, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, with eleven girls’ phone numbers, a ten gallon hat, nine broken fingers, eight pub bans, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas I found Harry Lee, whistling twelve tuneless bars, with eleven girls’ phone numbers, a ten gallon hat, nine broken fingers, eight pub bans, seven hundred pounds poorer, six in the morning, five sheets to the wind, with four laughing teenagers, three streets over, with two shots of vodka and upside down, hanging from a tree.

This is what happens when Fred goes out of town and leaves Harry to fend for himself – and somehow I will still get blamed! What I really want to know though is why those teenagers weren’t at home and asleep at 6am!

More about Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren

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Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren is a book series by author C.S. Woolley. Written in the first person, this modern twist on the private detective pulp novel brings a refreshing take on the film noir world. Nicolette Mace is the private detective known as the Raven Siren and the eponymous heroine of the five books that come together to create the main narrative of the series. There is also a sub set of books within the Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren series that come under the title of Filling the Afterlife from the Underworld. These books are shorter tales that are written to fill in the gaps between the stories in the main five novels and round out the universe that C.S. Woolley has created. Some of the volumes follow cases that the Raven Siren has taken on whilst others are comprised of shorter thoughts and exploits from the day-to-day life of the female private investigator.

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And with the 11th day of advent, we are bringing you Siren’s reprise of the 12 Days of Christmas, but rather than what Fred has given to her, it’s what the city has given to her.

If you want to find out more about the Siren books – you can do so here.

12 Days of Christmas Reprise

On the first day of Christmas, the city gave to me, all the shreds of Fred’s dignity.

On the second day of Christmas, the city gave to me, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of Fred’s dignity.

On the third day of Christmas, the city gave to me, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of Fred’s dignity.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of Fred’s dignity.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the city gave to me, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, eight irritating clients, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, nine deadbeat boyfriends, eight irritating clients, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, ten packs of cigarettes, nine deadbeat boyfriends, eight irritating clients, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the city gave to me, eleven day’s at Harry’s, ten packs of cigarettes, nine deadbeat boyfriends, eight irritating clients, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the city gave to me, twelve bitter arguments, eleven day’s at Harry’s, ten packs of cigarettes, nine deadbeat boyfriends, eight irritating clients, seven faulty firearms, six life-threatening situations, five new enemies, four weeks without heat, three nights in hospital, two gunshot wounds and all the shreds of his dignity.

It’s nice to see that at least the city and Fred can agree on one thing

More about Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren

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Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren is a book series by author C.S. Woolley. Written in the first person, this modern twist on the private detective pulp novel brings a refreshing take on the film noir world. Nicolette Mace is the private detective known as the Raven Siren and the eponymous heroine of the five books that come together to create the main narrative of the series. There is also a sub set of books within the Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren series that come under the title of Filling the Afterlife from the Underworld. These books are shorter tales that are written to fill in the gaps between the stories in the main five novels and round out the universe that C.S. Woolley has created. Some of the volumes follow cases that the Raven Siren has taken on whilst others are comprised of shorter thoughts and exploits from the day-to-day life of the female private investigator.

Sign up to our mailing list to get the latest news, releases and offers from Mightier Then the Sword UK.

Well it’s the 2nd day of advent and we have some more fun things for you today. Straight from the files of Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren, we bring you Siren’s 12 days of Christmas.

If you want to find out more about the Siren books – you can do so here.

 

My 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, a headache the size of Italy.

On the second day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the third day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, eight hours broken sleep, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, nine consecutive phone calls, eight hours broken sleep, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, ten packs of cigarettes, nine consecutive phone calls, eight hours broken sleep, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, an eleven mile car chase, ten packs of cigarettes, nine consecutive phone calls, eight hours broken sleep, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Fred Barlow gave to me, twelve sincere apologies, an eleven mile car chase, ten packs of cigarettes, nine consecutive phone calls, eight hours broken sleep, seven arresting officers, six new cell mates, five interrogation hours, four shouting matches, three tasteless meals, two nights in jail and a headache the size of Italy.

And people wonder why I hate Christmas

 

More about Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren is a book series by author C.S. Woolley. Written in the first person, this modern twist on the private detective pulp novel brings a refreshing take on the film noir world. Nicolette Mace is the private detective known as the Raven Siren and the eponymous heroine of the five books that come together to create the main narrative of the series. There is also a sub set of books within the Nicolette Mace: the Raven Siren series that come under the title of Filling the Afterlife from the Underworld. These books are shorter tales that are written to fill in the gaps between the stories in the main five novels and round out the universe that C.S. Woolley has created. Some of the volumes follow cases that the Raven Siren has taken on whilst others are comprised of shorter thoughts and exploits from the day-to-day life of the female private investigator.

Sign up to our mailing list to get the latest news, releases and offers from Mightier Then the Sword UK.